“Caucasian Campesinos” Cheerfully Embrace Grueling Farm Labor

In a bid to support their president’s tough immigration policies, hundreds of thousands of white Trump supporters around the country are taking backbreaking, low-paying agricultural jobs usually done by immigrants. The surprise movement, which emerged suddenly out of nowhere, has been dubbed the “Caucasian Campesinos” by the media. One of these hardy Trump supporters, Stephanie …

Republicans Not Fooled by Deep State Coronavirus

As the rest of the world urgently prepares for a potential pandemic that has already apparently claimed the lives of 2,700 people and sickened as many as 80,000 worldwide, President Trump and his Republican supporters are not being taken in. Radio host and Medal of Freedom recipient Rush Limbaugh sought to bring clarity to the …

Sanders Announces Plan to Guillotine Chris Matthews in Lafayette Square

Austin, Texas. Senator Bernie Sanders, fresh off his resounding victory in the Nevada Caucuses, announced before an ebullient crowd here on Sunday that he would immediately guillotine MSNBC political analyst Chris Matthews upon assuming office. “On day one of my administration, Chris Matthews will be flown to Washington DC in chains, and publicly guillotined in …

Conspiracy Czar Attacks Barr for Usurping His Role

Washington, D.C. The Director of the Department of Conspiracies, Richard Trumball, publicly criticized Attorney General William Barr Friday for encroaching on his jurisdiction after Barr acknowledged that the Department of Justice had “created a process that Rudy Giuliani could give information and they would see if it’s verified.” Trumball, the bedraggled former street preacher tapped …

Mormons Trade Scully and Tupuola to Jehovah’s Witnesses for Marshall and 2nd Round Pick

In a blockbuster trade that rocked the World Religious League, the Mormon Church traded Elders Pat Scully and Mike Tupuola to the Jehovah’s Witnesses for Tyler Marshall and a second round draft pick. Scully, last year’s MVP, has struggled this year during his mission in Liechenstein, scoring only three converts in the past six months. …

Republicans’ Overnight Epiphanies Bring Surprise Conviction of President Trump

Washington, D.C. In a shocking development nobody had anticipated, every Republican Senator joined their Democratic colleagues in voting to convict and remove President Trump from office. Many of the senators, who indicated previously that they would vote for acquittal, said they had experienced an overnight epiphany in which they suddenly recognized President Trump as an …

The Facebook Conversion: One Insult Can Change a Life Forever

A coffee shop. Walt, a professionally dressed man in his thirties sits at a table, drinking coffee and reviewing something on his laptop. SAMANTHA, also in her thirties and professionally dressed, enters with a coffee and her laptop and takes a seat at an adjoining table. WALT glances over at her, then resumes his work. …

Trump Demands Iraqis Pay for “All the Expensive Bombs We’ve Dropped on Them”

President Trump responded to the interim Iraqi Prime Minister’s insistence that all foreign troops leave his country by demanding that Iraqis pay for all the bombs the United States has dropped on their country in the nearly seventeen years of U.S. occupation since the March, 2003 invasion. “We have dropped a lot of very expensive …

Trump Supporters Ask “Who Do We Shoot?” After Trump Impeached

Supporters of President Trump who had warned of a civil war if he was impeached and boasted about their weapons collections are now wondering who they should kill and/or where they should report for civil war duty after the House voted to impeach the president Wednesday night. Phil Jaworski, a Trump supporter from Chicago who …

Militant Vegans Seize Steakhouses Throughout Country

A network of radical vegans has engaged in a widespread covert takeover of steakhouses throughout the country, drugging and indoctrinating owners and staff and transforming the restaurants into bastions of veganism. In March of 2019, Margaret and Joseph Huddleston of White Plains, New York went to Ike’s Steakhouse for the Tuesday Night Prime Rib Special …