Category Archives: Coronavirus
Rodgers Treating Coronavirus by Sprinkling Ivermectin on his Wheaties
Green Bay, Wisconsin–Star Green Bay Packer Quarterback Aaron Rodgers told reporters Friday that he is taking the advice of podcaster Joe Rogan and sprinkling Ivermectin on his Wheaties every morning for breakfast to treat the Coronavirus he somehow contracted after wisely avoiding the dangers of the vaccines, doing his own research and relying on homeopathic …
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“Gravity is Real” Says Arkansas Man Injured in Cliff Jump
Jimmy Ray Fulton thought gravity was a Deep State conspiracy when he leaped off the eighty foot cliff at Heber Springs without a cable or harness. People at the popular cliff jumping site in Arkansas had warned him that jumping off a cliff with no cable or harness was dangerous, but the twenty-seven year old …
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Candide 2020
In the suburb of Westphalia in San Bernardino County of Southern California in the mansion of the Senior Pastor of the Cathedral of the Holy Lamb’s Divine Florescence there lived a youth of wholesome disposition and unpretentious simplicity named Candide. He was the offspring of the charismatic preacher’s sister Kimberly and a former maintenance worker …
Take Ted Cruz’s Master Class in Sycophancy and Groveling
Hi, I’m Ted Cruz, United States Senator, and I’ll be teaching a two day Master Class in Sycophancy and Groveling on January 20th and 21st, 2021 at the Lubriderm-Citibank Arena in Dallas, Texas. You can take the course online or you can come in person and expose yourself to unmasked Coronavirus deniers while learning the …
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Generalissimo Trump Sheltering in Place From Election Reality
President Trump is cowering in the White House since the election was called for Joe Biden on Saturday, too emotionally fragile to acknowledge the resounding loss the voters of the country have dealt him. Apart from putting in an appearance to honor veterans Wednesday, the Commander in Chief has been hunkered down on his presidential …
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Dead Trump Supporter Scores Another Hit with “Militia Boy”
Deceased Trump supporter Phil Jaworski has scored another top country hit with his new song “Militia Boy.” Jaworksi, who died of the coronavirus back in March, took the country music world by storm last month with the number one hit “Buried in My MAGA Hat,” a rollicking ode to the joys of dying of COVID …
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Deceased Trump Supporter Tops Country Charts with “Buried in My MAGA Hat”
Phil Jaworski, a fervent Trump supporter who died of the coronavirus in March has taken the Country music world by storm with his posthumously written hit “Buried in My MAGA Hat,” a musical encomium to President Trump that celebrates contracting the virus and dying of it as a means of “triggering the libs.” Jaworksi, who …
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Republicans Strive for “Herd Mentality”
Liberals and Never Trumpers have made much of the supposed irony of President Trump, who has gleefully flouted mask-wearing and social distancing guidelines, coming down with COVID-19. What they don’t seem to realize is that his diagnosis was no accident. President Trump is boldly putting into action a plan he described as “herd mentality,” a …
New Priest at Our Lady of the Irritable Bowels Adjusting Well After Abrupt Transfer From St.–Well, From Another Diocese
Some parishioners may have noticed a fresh face among the clergy here at Our Lady of the Irritable Bowels. A highly experienced priest who has worked in some sixteen different dioceses in his long and varied career, he brings a sharply honed administrative expertise that Bishop Hagan hopes will streamline church policies and finances. As …