Michigan Lockdown Protesters Grounded After Whitmer Calls Their Parents

Lansing, Michigan. The sputtering, red-faced, gun-toting white men storming the Capitol Thursday were an intimidating sight, screaming into the faces of policemen without wearing masks and shouting “Lock her up” as they protested the shelter-in-place order Governor Gretchen Whitmer has issued at the suggestion of virtually every credible medical expert on the planet. But now …

Trump to Send “Victory Ventilators” to States Where Patriotic Pestilence Purveyors Protest

Washington D.C. President Trump is planning to send what he is now calling “Victory Ventilators” to states where people are protesting against shelter-in-place orders encouraged by his own administration’s guidelines. “These patriots are putting themselves at great risk of catching the virus in order to protest the totally unnecessary orders designed to protect them from …

Trump Supporter Dies of Coronavirus Hoax

Passionate Donald Trump supporter Phil Jaworski died of the Coronavirus Monday night at Presence Saint Joseph Hospital in Chicago, insisting to his final breath that he was in fact dying from the flu despite testing positive for COVID-19 last week. Jaworksi made news last year when he warned during an interview at a Trump rally …

Conspiracy Czar Attacks Barr for Usurping His Role

Washington, D.C. The Director of the Department of Conspiracies, Richard Trumball, publicly criticized Attorney General William Barr Friday for encroaching on his jurisdiction after Barr acknowledged that the Department of Justice had “created a process that Rudy Giuliani could give information and they would see if it’s verified.” Trumball, the bedraggled former street preacher tapped …

Scroungy Street Preacher Named Trump’s Conspiracy Czar

Washington, D.C. President Trump appointed veteran street preacher Richard Trumball to be the Director of his new Department of Conspiracies on Friday. Trumball, who has been a disheveled, obnoxious fixture on the corner of 4th and Reed streets in Columbus, Ohio for more than a decade, is well known to locals for ranting about wild …