Rodgers Treating Coronavirus by Sprinkling Ivermectin on his Wheaties

Green Bay, Wisconsin–Star Green Bay Packer Quarterback Aaron Rodgers told reporters Friday that he is taking the advice of podcaster Joe Rogan and sprinkling Ivermectin on his Wheaties every morning for breakfast to treat the Coronavirus he somehow contracted after wisely avoiding the dangers of the vaccines, doing his own research and relying on homeopathic …

Disney’s “The Iceman Cometh on Ice” Pushes Boundaries

Disney’s latest ice show spectacular, “The Iceman Cometh on Ice,” infuses Eugene O’Neill’s tragic masterpiece with a new life in a tour de force of skating and acting that puts recent Broadway revivals to shame. Former Olympic figure skating champion Jamie DeSoto invests the doomed traveling salesman Theodore Hickey with a caustic edge and a …

Football Coach Declares Victory in Third Quarter

Chicago Pachyderms coach Terry Patterson declared victory over the New Haven Vaqueros with twelve minutes and thirty-two seconds remaining in the third quarter Sunday, claiming that “a very sad group of people” had taken mysterious steps to cheat his team out of what would have been a certain victory in spite of the fact that …

LSD-Spiked Gatorade Spices Up Football Coach’s Interview

A bored sports reporter slipped Chicago Pachyderms coach Terry Patterson a cup of Gatorade spiked with LSD, and the coach finally gave an interview worth reading. INTERVIEWER: Coach Patterson, it was a tough first half for the Pachyderms…three turnovers, a blocked field goal, a stalled drive in the red zone and just two third down …

Mormons Trade Scully and Tupuola to Jehovah’s Witnesses for Marshall and 2nd Round Pick

In a blockbuster trade that rocked the World Religious League, the Mormon Church traded Elders Pat Scully and Mike Tupuola to the Jehovah’s Witnesses for Tyler Marshall and a second round draft pick. Scully, last year’s MVP, has struggled this year during his mission in Liechenstein, scoring only three converts in the past six months. …

Quarterback’s Primitive Religion Boosts Cougars’ Title Hopes

At first his teammates and some of their parents were alarmed by the primitive religious rituals quarterback Mark Shroeder was performing in the locker room before Winfield High School football games. And then they started winning. And winning some more. The Cougars are 7-0 and seem to be a lock for the state championship game …