Trump Delays Police State Until Delayed Election

The reviews are in for President Trump’s reenactment of Terry Gilliam’s movie Brazil in the streets of Portland and so far they are less than stellar. According to local officials and pretty much everybody else, the heavily armed, federal shock troops deployed to the City of Roses exacerbated the situation by attracting larger crowds to …

Conservatives: BLM is Communism Just Like Civil Rights Movement

Conservatives are not falling for the popular new kid in school who has made protesting cool again. Just as their forefathers exposed the Civil Rights Movement as the insidious Communist plot it was in the 1950s and 1960s, contemporary conservatives are revealing the sinister Marxist conspiracy animating the hordes of dupes in the streets who …

Golf Cart Nazi and Pistol-Packing Lawyer to Appear at Trump’s July 3rd White Supremacy Coronavirus Orgy

Two of the brightest new stars in the world of white supremacy will appear at President Trump’s Independence Day celebration at Mount Rushmore on Friday, adding luster to an event already primed to raise the blood pressure of every red-blooded racist in the country. Both of the freshly-minted celebrities were featured in videos shared on …

Trump: “Very Fine People on Both Sides of Tulsa Massacre”

Tulsa, Oklahoma. At his first campaign rally since the COVID-19 shutdown Saturday night in Tulsa, President Trump took credit for educating the country about historical facts he claims it didn’t know. “Most people didn’t know that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. I taught them that. Most people didn’t know that Frederick Douglas was somebody who’s …

New Conservative History Museum Shows that Slavery was “Just a Passing Phase”

Charleston, South Carolina. A new conservative American History museum is slated to open in Charleston this month that will illustrate that “slavery was just a passing phase the young republic experienced,” according to Museum Director Cody Ralston. “I went through a Goth phase when I was in high school,” Ralston noted at a press conference …

Geriatric Antifa Commandos Storm White House

Washington DC. A squad of elite geriatric Antifa commandos masquerading as Black Lives Matters protesters surged past barriers and stormed the White House Friday morning, easily routing secret service agents and police officers as they flooded into the building. According to one reporter, President Trump was caught as he was fleeing to his basement bunker …

Antifa Battle Cruiser Spotted in Skies Over Rural Idaho

An Antifa Battle Cruiser was sighted over rural Idaho Thursday night according to a Facebook post by a group known as “The Paunchy Patriots.” The group, which is devoted to protecting the Second Amendment rights of Americans and eating copious amounts of garlic fries, claims in the post that it “has received credible intel that …

Conservatives Offer to Acknowledge Climate Change and Evolution if They Can Still Deny White Privilege

Under pressure to acknowledge the glaringly obvious reality of white privilege illustrated by recent events, conservatives have instead offered to recognize the veracity of climate change and evolution if Black Lives Matters activists and progressives promise never to bring up the concept of white privilege again. The extraordinary offer was made after a ludicrous comment …