Who can forget the day that Edgar Maddison Welch single-handedly stormed the Washington, DC pizzeria Comet Ping Pong with his AR-15 and discovered Hillary Clinton and her Satanic, Deep State minions sexually abusing children in the basement?
Well, okay, Mr. Welch did not actually find any children being abused, and in fact, there was not even a basement, but that did not stop him from firing off three heroic rounds just to let any potential pedophiles know there were alert patriots patrolling the cesspool of the nation’s capital. And it certainly didn’t mean that there is no sinister ring of liberal pedophiles operating around the country under the iron fist of Hillary Clinton because there definitely is. And if you think that scandal is ominous, just wait until you hear about “Obamagate.”
If you thought you knew the depths of depravity of Barack Hussein Obama, think again. The former president, who, as President Trump has pointed out, was not born in the United States and was therefore unqualified to be president, who founded ISIS, tapped Trump’s phone at Trump Tower, left the national medical stockpile depleted and failed to develop a test for the Coronavirus before it existed, committed unspeakable crimes against the Trump administration before it even got into office.
How do we know this for a fact? Because President Trump has brilliantly elucidated these crimes. When asked to explain his tweet that “OBAMAGATE was the biggest political crime in American history” by Washington Post reporter Phillip Rucker, Trump shot back, “You know what the crime is, the crime is obvious to everybody, all you have to do is read the newspapers, except yours.”
Doubtless, that cogent explanation won’t be enough for Trump-haters, who will fall back on their favorite ruse of requesting evidence to support accusations. I would ask them a simple question though. Why would Trump’s former national security advisor have pleaded guilty twice to lying to the FBI if he had not been forced to do so by Barack Hussein Obama?
Department of Conspiracies Director Richard Trumball, who was appointed by Trump last October, says he has unearthed evidence that President Obama was a frequent and enthusiastic participant in the child abuse orgies that ceased just moments prior to Edgar Maddison Welch’s arrival at the Comet Ping Pong pizzeria. “I got a tip from the Internet last night,” the former street preacher said. “Obama called in the wiretap on Trump Tower from the zero gravity child abuse chamber in the basement at Comet Ping Pong. He was floating upside down, reading the Koran and abusing a pair of flaxen-haired twins freshly kidnapped off a heartland farm when he made the call. Dude is cold-blooded.”