No needles! No hospitals! No nurses whining about the lack of PPE! Now you can overcome the dreaded effects of the Coronavirus by simply sipping a delightful summer beverage created by the brilliant mixologists and scientists of the Trump organization.
President Trump recently ruffled the feathers of stuffy, Deep State scientists and medical professionals by wondering aloud if injecting disinfectants directly into the lungs of Corinavirus vicitms might not have a beneficial effect on their conditions. Ridiculed by the media elites, Trump nonetheless doubled down and ordered his son-in-law and senior advisor Jared Kushner to spearhead the drive to bring disinfectants into the treatment phase of the fight against COVID-19.
Kushner, whose success in bringing peace to the Middle East and solving the opioid epidemic in America bodes well for his newest venture, immediately tapped some of his old college buddies and the brainstorming was intense. Was the president’s idea of injecting disinfectants really necessary? Was there a more pleasant way of introducing the disinfectant into the patient’s body?
Employing some of the finest mixologists and scientists who nearly earned undergraduate degrees, Kush’ and the Trump organization came up with the Pineapple Disinfectant Spritzer, a libation as delectable to you as it is devastating to the virus. Just sit back and savor its tropical splendor three times a day for two weeks and all the spiky Coronavirus surface proteins in your lungs will be killed and flushed out of your system like hoodlums in the movie Death Wish.
You can order the two week treatment system online and if you do so before midnight tonight, you will receive a free MAGA cap. Did we mention that the Pineapple Disinfectant Spritzer also will give you six pack abs with no exercise?