CPAC’s Matt Schlapp on Boebert: Schlong Groping Should Be Discrete

CPAC Chairman Matt Schlapp sharply criticized Congresswoman Lauren Boebert Saturday for vigorously stroking the member of her date at a performance of the musical Beetlejuice in Colorado last week. “If you’re going to grab somebody’s schlong while being a self-professed purveyor of Christian family values, at least do it in the back seat of a …

How White Men Fight by Tucker Carlson

Fox News thought they could cancel me, but they forgot one very important thing: How white men fight. My name is Tucker Carlson and I’m white. If you’re a white man like me, you probably already know that white men fight in an honorable fashion, unlike the dusky hordes invading our open borders who know …

Tucker: “I Hate Him Passionately” in the Positive Way

Tucker Carlson wants everyone to know that he loves Donald Trump now and always has. Appearing on Bo Snerdley’s WABC radio program Monday, the Fox talk show host expressed outrage that his private text messages were made public as a result of the Dominion lawsuit against Fox and insisted that his January 4th, 2021 text …

Men in Dresses Haunt the Dreams of Godly Men

Godly Christian conservative men are very concerned about other men who don women’s clothing for public entertainment and other purposes. How concerned? They think about them a lot. A lot. These righteous followers of Jesus Christ and supply side economics, who are very secure in their own masculinity, wake up at night worrying about their …

McCarthy Agrees to Wear Diapers and Shock Collar as New Speaker

Washington DC– Newly elected House Speaker Kevin McCarthy achieved his victory on the 15th vote by agreeing to hard-liners’ demand that he always wear diapers and a shock collar controlled by members of the Freedom Caucus while on the House floor. “The diapers will force Kev Kev to perpetually wallow in humiliation and of course …

Kari Lake Announces Screaming on Street Corner Campaign

Phoenix, Arizona– Failed Arizona gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake has announced that she will commence a campaign of visiting random street corners in the cities of Arizona and screaming at passers-by and passing motorists that “I am the real governor!” with a deranged look on her face. Other slogans she will be shrieking include “Katie Hobbs …

Republicans: “We May Have to Do January 6th Again if Trump Indicted.”

Republicans are warning the country that, although they really really don’t want to, they may be forced to do the January 6th insurrection all over again with all its attendant vandalism, attacks on law enforcement, threats to the lives of public officials and smearing of feces on pertinent government landmarks if President Trump is indicted …

New Poll Shows Heavily Armed Psychopaths Leaning Republican

Washington, DC– A new Washington Post/ABC poll shows that 67 percent of heavily armed psychopaths are strongly favoring Republicans in the lead up to November’s mid-term elections. 18 percent of heavily armed psychopaths favored Independents, 8 percent preferred the Green Party and just 7 percent expressed a preference for the Democratic Party. The issues most …

Republicans Unveil “Have Your Rapist’s Baby For Jesus” Campaign Slogan

The Republican National Committee, seeking to capitalize on the jubilation of conservatives over the leaked draft of the Supreme Court decision overturning Roe v. Wade, has introduced a new slogan for the 2022 campaign: “Have Your Rapist’s Baby for Jesus!” “We think this will give young women the opportunity to demonstrate great faith in God …