McCarthy Agrees to Wear Diapers and Shock Collar as New Speaker

Washington DC–

Newly elected House Speaker Kevin McCarthy achieved his victory on the 15th vote by agreeing to hard-liners’ demand that he always wear diapers and a shock collar controlled by members of the Freedom Caucus while on the House floor.

“The diapers will force Kev Kev to perpetually wallow in humiliation and of course the shock collar will keep him from even thinking about moving any legislation through Congress that does not have a fifteen page rider named for Hunter Biden’s junk attached to it,” Congressman Matt Gaetz said after the fifteenth and final vote.

McCarthy seemed to be comfortable with his latest concession. “Let’s face it, after I crawled back to Mar-a-Lago on my hands and knees after identifying President Trump as the cause of the January 6th assault on the Capitol, I was pretty much an emasculated manchild held in contempt by everyone in DC and the country, including President Trump, who looked at me with undisguised disgust. The diapers are just a symbol of what everybody already knows about me.”