You Can Be a MAGA Historian–No History Background Required!

Have you ever watched an inspiring documentary about the Founding Fathers and thought, “Hey, I’d like to be a historian, but I don’t have any background or education in history”? Well, forget those doubts because now the requirements for becoming a historian in the right wing MAGA world make getting ordained online in the Universal Life Church seem like getting a Ph.D in Astrophysics at MIT.

If you think I am exaggerating, just look at some of the prominent “historians” of MAGA world. David Barton, for instance, who champions an image of the Founding Fathers as stalwart Christian Fundamentalists, boasts a BA in religious education from Oral Roberts University. Think of all the time and money he saved by not studying and researching in a major university and not writing articles for scholarly historical journals on his way to becoming God’s historian. And staying out of the weeds of boring old primary sources has allowed David to hone his bold theories about such tragic things as how permissive abortion laws have led to climate change.

Then of course there is Dinesh D’Souza, a historian who has the rare distinction of being a convicted felon pardoned by a former president who may himself soon become a convicted felon. In D’Souza’s masterwork, he illustrated how the modern Democratic Party is exactly like the Nazi Party, except without all the genocide, repression of other political parties, Gestapo police tactics, antisemitism, anti-Communism, homophobia, outlawing of unions, hostility to immigrants and foreigners and apocalyptic World War II destruction and death.

Like his brother in Jesus, David Barton, D’Souza never studied history formally, instead earning a BA in English from the Ivy League, elitist bastion of Dartmouth College. But again, a lack of any relevant historical knowledge or background is a positive boon for MAGA historians, especially since your audience is immersed in a pitch-black crater of ignorance that makes it accept any Frankenstein historical factoids you might drop down there.

So start writing your bold new history of America today! And remember, don’t hold back. Anything can be true. Jesus wrote the Constitution. The Virgin Mary sewed the first Stars and Stripes. Democrats are Nazis. AOC started the Civil War. Get freaky (Biblically of course) and you will soon find yourself appearing on Christian talk shows as an esteemed historian!