Washington, DC. QAnon Puppeteer Nancy Hagen-Bartlett was named Deputy Director to the Department of Conspiracies on Friday by Director Richard Trumball. Hagen-Bartlett initially came to the attention of Trump officials with her puppet show “The Storm,” which reveals the conspiracy perpetrated against President Trump by an international ring of Satan-worshipping pedophiles who run the Deep State, Hollywood, the Democratic Party, academia and the 4-H Club.
Hagen-Bartlett was invited to be an opening act at a couple Trump rallies and Department of Conspiracies Director Richard Trumball was “blown away” by her performance. “You know, initially, I wasn’t impressed with the QAnon people,” Trumball told reporters after the press conference announcing her appointment.
“I mean, a good conspiracy theory at least has to be plausible..and that whole convoluted scheme with Robert Mueller pretending to investigate Trump while actually working in tandem with him against the pedophiles just didn’t add up. But when I saw Nancy up there with Roger and Greta, the brave little sex abuse survivors, I knew I had my Deputy Director.”
A quick background check on Hagen-Bartlett revealed a vast digital trail of racist comments and deranged theories ranging from the Birther conspiracy to Michelle Obama being a transgender woman to George Soros attempting to infiltrate terrorists into the United States with caravans of immigrants from Mexico. She was a perfect fit.
“Nancy will be joining me in uncovering the George Soros connection to the Chinese development of the Coronavirus in a lab in Wuhan,” Trumball said. When asked why the Department of Conspiracies had failed to reveal any genuine conspiracies since its creation in October of last year, Trumball replied, “The best conspiracies are very elusive. We don’t go after the easy ones.”