Dr. Robert Krager, DDS, was arrested by the American Dental Association Internal Affairs Division at his office in Rancid Acorn, California for playing a Miles Davis album in his waiting room during business hours on Tuesday morning. The popular dentist was handcuffed and perp-walked out through his busy waiting room as stunned patients looked on and Davis’ seminal avant-garde jazz masterpiece “Bitches Brew” blared over concealed speakers.
ADA Internal Affairs spokesman Ron Mendoza explained that Krager had repeatedly violated article 12C of the Constitution and Bylaws of the American Dental Association. “The article specifically addresses music of the kind that Miles Davis perpetrated,” Mendoza said. Quoting from the bylaws, Mendoza recited, “Dentists shall never play music that in any way challenges, disturbs or awakens in the listener a playful awareness of the primitive, chaotic creativity that lies at the core of our universe.”
Dr. Krager, released on bond Wednesday morning, denounced what he called “the reactionaries” of the ADA. “The philistines of the American Dental Association are forever trapped in squaresville, man. If they had ever read Dr. Marcus Foster’s monograph on the neuroesthetics of musical choices and dental health, they’d learn that patients exposed to Kenny G. bullshit and corporate office drek have thirty-five percent more dental problems than those who groove to avant-garde jazz.”