Atlanta, Georgia–Republicans in Georgia, fresh off their Election Integrity Law triumph, passed a law prohibiting alien abductions in the Peach State on Friday. The law, dubbed “The Alien Abduction Integrity Act,” which also outlaws the use of anal probes by extraterrestrial visitors on Georgia residents, sailed through both houses of the state legislature in a matter of hours, and Governor Brian Kemp declared he was eager to sign the bill next week.
While critics have claimed that alien abductions are an absurd myth concocted by mentally unstable people, Republicans insist that they are simply responding to the reasonable concerns of their constituents. “We have hundreds of sworn affidavits from our citizens who were taken aboard alien spacecrafts against their wills,” said Representative Slade Greenwall. “Many of them were subjected to scientific experiments while onboard those crafts, including being anally probed. It would be a gross dereliction of our duty not to pass legislation to protect them.”