An Antifa Battle Cruiser was sighted over rural Idaho Thursday night according to a Facebook post by a group known as “The Paunchy Patriots.” The group, which is devoted to protecting the Second Amendment rights of Americans and eating copious amounts of garlic fries, claims in the post that it “has received credible intel that the cruiser was intent on sending a shuttle craft loaded with black-clad, stringy-haired Portland and Seattle Antifa fighters to spread chaos, destruction and craft beer to rural Idaho.”
Heavily armed members of the Paunchy Patriots were patrolling the streets of Coeur d’ Alene, a resort town of 50,000 in Northwest Idaho, again Friday morning. The group had hit the streets earlier this week along with other armed groups because of a previous Facebook post about a “plane load of people” arriving from Seattle that turned out to be false.
Asked about the earlier bogus report and the pointless action taken by his band before, Darren Rafferty, a captain of the Paunchy Patriots, insisted that “the pukes saw we were out here packing heat, and they turned around and got back on a plane for Seattle. Now they’re back with the Battle Cruiser so we deployed again.”
Challenged about the quality of the “intel” he has about a loosely affiliated group devoted to anti-fascism that appears to have no leadership, organizational structure or financial backing menacing rural Idaho with an immense, advanced spacecraft that heretofore has only existed in science fiction shows and films, Rafferty replied “That’s just what Antifa wants you to think.”