Conservatives Offer to Acknowledge Climate Change and Evolution if They Can Still Deny White Privilege

Stephen Albright, who enjoys jogging and not being murdered, proposed the deal.

Under pressure to acknowledge the glaringly obvious reality of white privilege illustrated by recent events, conservatives have instead offered to recognize the veracity of climate change and evolution if Black Lives Matters activists and progressives promise never to bring up the concept of white privilege again.

The extraordinary offer was made after a ludicrous comment by white privilege denier Rush Limbaugh spotlighted the untenable nature of his position and resulted in widespread ridicule on social media. During a radio discussion of white privilege with Breakfast Club co-host “Charlamagne the God,” Limbaugh denied its existence and lamented that he had been “mistreated” his whole life.

“I have been fired nine times in my career,” the right wing radio titan complained, neglecting to explain how that fact was related in any way to the topic under discussion. When asked by Charlamagne the God if he had ever been “thrown out of your car because you were driving a nice car?” Limbaugh replied that “I’ve had my cars keyed. I’ve had my tires blown. Of course.”

The idiocy of Limbaugh’s reply embarrassed even hardcore conservatives who realized that the rest of the country may be at a tipping point of recognizing the reality of white privilege because of recent events. However, most conservatives were reluctant to let go of the fantasy that they had never had an unearned advantage by virtue of the fact of being white.

Stephen Albright, a conservative Southern California congressman who offered the deal to Black Lives Matters activists and progressives, admitted that acknowledging climate change and evolution was hard, but said that conceding white privilege would be far worse.

“Listen, I’ve worked very hard for everything I’ve got, and nobody’s gonna tell me my achievements were made easier just because me and my ancestors didn’t suffer from centuries of alleged institutionalized racial discrimination in employment, housing, medical treatment, public accommodations, voting rights and the criminal justice system. We’re giving them climate change and evolution, okay? I don’t want to hear another word about ‘white privilege’ going forward!”

Black Lives Matters activists and progressives have yet to respond.