Washington D.C. President Trump is planning to send what he is now calling “Victory Ventilators” to states where people are protesting against shelter-in-place orders encouraged by his own administration’s guidelines.
“These patriots are putting themselves at great risk of catching the virus in order to protest the totally unnecessary orders designed to protect them from catching it by their overreaching governors,” the President said in an announcement made in the Rose Garden Tuesday. “Remember, the disease cannot be worse than the cure–or wait, I mean the opposite, I think. The cure cannot be worse than the, uh…well, just watch Fox.”
Critics quickly pounced on the president for providing scarce medical equipment to states where people are deliberately endangering themselves, their families, and everyone around them by exposing themselves to crowds which are largely ignoring social distancing protocols, but the president was unmoved.
“We’re calling them ‘victory ventilators.’ They’re beautiful machines that help you breathe,” the president crowed. “A lot of people don’t know that. Help you breathe. Mechanical. We’re putting V for victory stickers on them–that was Mike’s idea. Mike Pence is doing a tremendous job. And these brave protesters deserve that, you know, to breathe. Very brave. They’ve earned these beautiful machines, so we’re giving them to them so they can breathe.”