Parched Thistle Prairie, Texas. An Evangelical swingers club, which had defied Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s April 2nd Stay-at-Home order and continued with its Wednesday night “Commingle for Christ” orgies, has finally halted the weekly event after three of its members perished from COVID-19 and another seven have become infected.
The group, which calls itself “The Swollen Vessel,” had insisted that “Godly recreational sex with multiple Christian partners is critical to the physical and spiritual health of open-minded believers,” and that they were operating under God’s protection.
Asked about the apparent failure of God’s protection for her group, co-founder Cynthia Griggs balked. “God knows what he’s doing. If he decides to cleanse the Body of Christ in a way that seems harsh to us, that’s his business. Mankind cannot understand the ways of the Lord.”
Queried as to whether she and her husband felt any responsibility for assuring their group members they would be safe under God’s protection when three of them are now dead and at least two are in an ICU unit, Ms. Griggs was philosophical. “One of the marvelous features of Christianity is that it allows you to make extravagant promises on behalf of the Lord, and if they don’t pan out…then it’s not really your problem.”
The Griggs had previously argued that it was safe to continue with the event since there were no known cases of the Coronavirus in Parched Thistle Prairie. But now a cluster of 23 cases has hit the town that all can be traced back to one of the group’s orgies in late March, which was attended by a Godly swinger from out of town.
For the immediate future the “Swollen Vessel” will be moving its orgies to Zoom, according to Carl Griggs. “It won’t be quite the same. But it’ll be a big step up from the ‘Old Rugged Cross’ phone sex line.”