Evangelical Swingers Club to Continue Orgies with God’s Protection

Carl and Cynthia Griggs. Photo by SCuellar

Parched Thistle Prairie, Texas. An Evangelical Swingers Club, which has been criticized by local authorities for continuing its Wednesday night “Commingle for Christ” orgies in spite of the growing menace of the Coronavirus, has decided to carry on with the weekly event. Leaders of the group, which calls itself “The Swollen Vessel,” insist that “we are operating under the protection of the Lord Jesus Christ, and that the demonic power of the Coronavirus holds no power over us.”

Carl and Cynthia Griggs, the couple that founded the association, argue that “Godly recreational sex with multiple Christian partners is critical to the physical and spiritual health of open-minded believers” and that to suspend it in a time of crisis is more likely to leave its members vulnerable to the demonic power of the virus. The Griggs, who up until a week ago dismissed the Coronavirus as a liberal hoax, are now describing it as “the infernal Chinese affliction.”

Carl Griggs pointed out that Texas Governor Greg Abbott had not issued a state wide “shelter-in-place” order, and that there were currently no confirmed cases of COVID-19 in Parched Thistle Prairie. “I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the Chinese affliction is ravaging ungodly places like Austin and San Antonio, do you?”