Leftist Mobs Look Forward to Destroying America January 20th

America-hating, radical leftist groups with poor hygiene are looking forward to terrorizing good, clean, conservative, white American citizens come January 20th, according to statements from various unshaven bolshevik traitors. “Joe Biden’s 47 years of posing as a centrist, moderate Democrat have finally paid off,” Ian McCormick, National Director of the Gay Socialist Jihadi Drum Circle …

Take Ted Cruz’s Master Class in Sycophancy and Groveling

Hi, I’m Ted Cruz, United States Senator, and I’ll be teaching a two day Master Class in Sycophancy and Groveling on January 20th and 21st, 2021 at the Lubriderm-Citibank Arena in Dallas, Texas. You can take the course online or you can come in person and expose yourself to unmasked Coronavirus deniers while learning the …

Woody Allen Kidnapped by Fans of His Older Work

Celebrated film maker Woody Allen has been abducted from his Manhattan townhouse by a gang of fans of his older work. The kidnappers issued a communique Monday morning to law enforcement and the media stating their intentions. It reads as follows: Whereas Woody Allen’s films have grown more stale than the air in the doomed …

Giuliani to Be Opening Act for Cockfight

President Trump’s legal team will be holding a press conference that will precede a highly anticipated cockfight at a yet to be announced abandoned factory in Philadelphia on Friday. A sudden change of venue was required after the Hideaway Motor Court Motel backed out of offering its ballroom as the site of the event for …

Republicans’ Feelings About Voter Fraud Not Impressing Judges

President Trump and his fellow Republicans have strong feelings about the massive voter fraud they believe robbed him of his rightful reelection to a second term. They feel strongly that it definitely happened and that it was really, really bad voter fraud in different states run by both Republicans and Democrats. They feel so strongly …

Generalissimo Trump Sheltering in Place From Election Reality

President Trump is cowering in the White House since the election was called for Joe Biden on Saturday, too emotionally fragile to acknowledge the resounding loss the voters of the country have dealt him. Apart from putting in an appearance to honor veterans Wednesday, the Commander in Chief has been hunkered down on his presidential …

Football Coach Declares Victory in Third Quarter

Chicago Pachyderms coach Terry Patterson declared victory over the New Haven Vaqueros with twelve minutes and thirty-two seconds remaining in the third quarter Sunday, claiming that “a very sad group of people” had taken mysterious steps to cheat his team out of what would have been a certain victory in spite of the fact that …

Dead Trump Supporter Scores Another Hit with “Militia Boy”

Deceased Trump supporter Phil Jaworski has scored another top country hit with his new song “Militia Boy.” Jaworksi, who died of the coronavirus back in March, took the country music world by storm last month with the number one hit “Buried in My MAGA Hat,” a rollicking ode to the joys of dying of COVID …

QAnon Puppet Show Boosts Sagging Trump Campaign

Department of Conspiracies Deputy Director and QAnon puppeteer Nancy Hagan-Bartlett’s new puppet show The Reckoning, which she has been performing as a warm-up act at Trump rallies and live-streaming on Trump websites, has injected a much needed shot of adrenaline into the campaign. Trump campaign officials were dismayed at the flop of the dubious Hunter …

Deceased Trump Supporter Tops Country Charts with “Buried in My MAGA Hat”

Phil Jaworski, a fervent Trump supporter who died of the coronavirus in March has taken the Country music world by storm with his posthumously written hit “Buried in My MAGA Hat,” a musical encomium to President Trump that celebrates contracting the virus and dying of it as a means of “triggering the libs.” Jaworksi, who …