Liberals and Never Trumpers have made much of the supposed irony of President Trump, who has gleefully flouted mask-wearing and social distancing guidelines, coming down with COVID-19. What they don’t seem to realize is that his diagnosis was no accident. President Trump is boldly putting into action a plan he described as “herd mentality,” a …
Category Archives: Comedy
The Orthodontist’s Bender
All right, so they found me in the fountain of the town square at four o’clock in the morning, naked save for a plastic Halloween mask and a hockey goaltender’s mitt, belligerently brandishing a bottle of Mezcal and scat singing in a previously undiscovered chromatic scale. I wasn’t the first orthodontist who had raised eyebrows …
How Not to Be a Hypocrite for Republicans
Okay, so you’re Senator Lindsey Graham, and you are doing precisely the opposite of what you passionately declared was your principled position four years ago. You are seemingly hoisted on your own petard. “I want you to use my words against me. If there’s a Republican president in 2016 and a vacancy occurs in the …
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“Will You Marry Me Before We Kill Ourselves?”
A tape recording of Hitler’s last minute marriage proposal to Eva Braun has been discovered in the ruins of the old Reich Chancellery Bunker in Berlin where they were married and shortly afterward committed suicide in April of 1945. Dangerous Neighbors is proud to present an English translation of the transcript for the very first …
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I Will Make You Less Miserable With The Seven Antidotes to Self-Loathing!
You know you’re not the you you could be. I’m Zack Keane. I can help you become the you you could be. The you you always wanted to be. Where is that you? I’m Zach Keane. Before I became the me I always wanted to be, I was just like the you you are, the …
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LSD-Spiked Gatorade Spices Up Football Coach’s Interview
A bored sports reporter slipped Chicago Pachyderms coach Terry Patterson a cup of Gatorade spiked with LSD, and the coach finally gave an interview worth reading. INTERVIEWER: Coach Patterson, it was a tough first half for the Pachyderms…three turnovers, a blocked field goal, a stalled drive in the red zone and just two third down …
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Galileo’s Gambit
A recently unearthed transcript of the Inquisition’s Trial of Galileo in Rome in 1633 reveals that the astronomer’s charm offensive nearly got him off the hook. INQUISITOR: Galileo Galilei, you have been brought before this tribunal on very serious charges. They include– GALILEO: This isn’t about that, uh, little crack I made the other day, …
Jerry Falwell Jr.’s Schedule Freed Up to Speak at Republican Convention
Jerry Falwell Jr.’s sudden resignation from the presidency of Liberty University Monday has freed up his schedule so that he will now be able to speak to the Republican Convention on the topic of Christian values. “I just felt that speaking to the president’s supporters, who I know take their core Christian beliefs as seriously …
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Did Henry VIII Really Invent Miniature Golf?
A recently discovered transcript of a conversation between King Henry VIII, his chief minister Thomas Cromwell and Queen Anne Boleyn, confirms that the paunchy potentate did indeed invent miniature golf. Henry VIII’s office in the Palace of Whitehall, 1535. HENRY is standing over his desk, feverishly studying some plans. After a moment his minister THOMAS …
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Radical Left Forced LaPierre to Vacation in Bahamas 8 Times on NRA’s Dime
Wayne LaPierre, the embattled chief executive of the National Rifle Association, is locked and loaded and blasting away at his far left persecutors. Facing a lawsuit by the state of New York that accuses him and other top NRA officials of siphoning 64 million dollars from the non-profit in three years, LaPierre is placing the …
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