He inspired the mob with his fist Then he went inside to insist That Joe Biden’s win Was a fraudulent sin And Trump’s fat ass must be kissed Then the rioters smashed through the doors And poor Josh shat in his drawers He ran like a wimp From the thugs of his pimp With the …
Category Archives: Literature
Library Books Made Me Gay
Nobody is born gay, and I was no exception. I had a crush on Teresa Holcomb in kindergarten and Misty Carlyle in first grade. The crushes on girls continued up until middle school. But one day I was perusing books at the school library and I happened upon this teen novel. It was one of …
Angry Parents Demand Removal of Bible From School Library for “Sodomy, Incest and Trafficking”
Parched Thistle Prairie, Texas–Vanessa Carlton, a forty-three year old mother of three, rose resolutely and marched to the podium at the Parched Thistle Prairie School Board Meeting Thursday night carrying a large black book. “My three children attend the schools here, and after hearing about some of the smut that the school libraries are pushing …
Job’s Therapy
A classroom in a community center. A group of people sit in chairs in a half circle with JUDITH in the center. The group is a mix of adults of all ages, including CHRISSY, a pale, gaunt young woman with a shaved head and a nose ring and GEORGE, an impassive middle-aged man. Also in …
Candide 2020
In the suburb of Westphalia in San Bernardino County of Southern California in the mansion of the Senior Pastor of the Cathedral of the Holy Lamb’s Divine Florescence there lived a youth of wholesome disposition and unpretentious simplicity named Candide. He was the offspring of the charismatic preacher’s sister Kimberly and a former maintenance worker …
Galileo’s Gambit
A recently unearthed transcript of the Inquisition’s Trial of Galileo in Rome in 1633 reveals that the astronomer’s charm offensive nearly got him off the hook. INQUISITOR: Galileo Galilei, you have been brought before this tribunal on very serious charges. They include– GALILEO: This isn’t about that, uh, little crack I made the other day, …
Did Henry VIII Really Invent Miniature Golf?
A recently discovered transcript of a conversation between King Henry VIII, his chief minister Thomas Cromwell and Queen Anne Boleyn, confirms that the paunchy potentate did indeed invent miniature golf. Henry VIII’s office in the Palace of Whitehall, 1535. HENRY is standing over his desk, feverishly studying some plans. After a moment his minister THOMAS …
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Franz Kafka and the Inferno of Love
It hit me late one night when I was in the bookstore after my girlfriend had locked me out of the house. Suffering through the most devastating case of writer’s block I had ever had, I had somewhat rashly destroyed a little furniture. Then at Stacey’s insistence, I went down to retrieve the remnants of …
Smut-pushing Librarians Bagged in Missouri Parental Library Review Board Raids
Dozens of librarians were apprehended in a series of lightning dawn raids around the “Show Me” state for violating the recently passed Parental Oversight of Public Libraries Act. The act forbids library employees from providing access to minors of books “deemed to be age-inappropriate sexual material” by five member panels elected by local communities. Although …
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Jane Austen-Henry Miller Collaboration to Be Published
A manuscript discovered in a London attic in 2016 confirmed the long rumored literary collaboration between Jane Austen and Henry Miller. After the resolution of legal disputes between the heirs of the Austen and Miller estates, the work is finally to be published this year. Dangerous Neighbors presents an exclusive excerpt published for the very …
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