As the holidays approach many Evangelical Christians are dreading family gatherings where they may encounter unsaved family members or friends who fail to understand God’s plan to use President Trump, whose lies flow as freely as the bowel movements of a sick man who just ate a super burrito and a Triple Shot Espresso Frappuccino, as an instrument of his will.
Reverend Alec Vandever, who runs the spiritual counseling center at the Church of the Sanctified Redeemer, says he has seen an uptick in the number of people coming in concerned about their anti-Trump relatives demanding explanations for Trump’s false statements.
“They’re being hounded by their Marxist-secular-humanist relations about everything Trump has ever said,” Vandever claimed. “…Mexico paying for the wall, the wall being built, millions of illegal immigrants voting in 2016, Obama wire-tapping his campaign, saying that they were going to have health insurance for everybody, he didn’t know about the Stormy Daniels payoff, there was no quid pro quo, he didn’t direct Giuliani to investigate the Bidens in Ukraine, you name it…”
As the reverend spoke, several more uneasy church members filed into the center. “This really frosts me,” he said, gesturing to the new arrivals. “At a time when we’re all supposed to be sharing our gratitude and joy for the great things our country has to offer, these people are being persecuted for following God’s will. I mean, sure, if you look at Trump’s statements from a non-Biblical perspective, you’ll find that some of them are not, strictly speaking…you know, true. But as Christians, our task is not to use our fallible human minds to determine what is true and what is not, but rather to believe what another fallible human mind tells us is God’s plan, regardless if it changes from church to church, preacher to preacher and year to year. That’s not faith, that’s gullibility! No, I meant the other way around.”