Austin, Texas. Senator Bernie Sanders, fresh off his resounding victory in the Nevada Caucuses, announced before an ebullient crowd here on Sunday that he would immediately guillotine MSNBC political analyst Chris Matthews upon assuming office. “On day one of my administration, Chris Matthews will be flown to Washington DC in chains, and publicly guillotined in …
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Washington, D.C. The Director of the Department of Conspiracies, Richard Trumball, publicly criticized Attorney General William Barr Friday for encroaching on his jurisdiction after Barr acknowledged that the Department of Justice had “created a process that Rudy Giuliani could give information and they would see if it’s verified.” Trumball, the bedraggled former street preacher tapped …
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In a blockbuster trade that rocked the World Religious League, the Mormon Church traded Elders Pat Scully and Mike Tupuola to the Jehovah’s Witnesses for Tyler Marshall and a second round draft pick. Scully, last year’s MVP, has struggled this year during his mission in Liechenstein, scoring only three converts in the past six months. …
Washington, D.C. In a shocking development nobody had anticipated, every Republican Senator joined their Democratic colleagues in voting to convict and remove President Trump from office. Many of the senators, who indicated previously that they would vote for acquittal, said they had experienced an overnight epiphany in which they suddenly recognized President Trump as an …
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Dozens of librarians were apprehended in a series of lightning dawn raids around the “Show Me” state for violating the recently passed Parental Oversight of Public Libraries Act. The act forbids library employees from providing access to minors of books “deemed to be age-inappropriate sexual material” by five member panels elected by local communities. Although …
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A coffee shop. Walt, a professionally dressed man in his thirties sits at a table, drinking coffee and reviewing something on his laptop. SAMANTHA, also in her thirties and professionally dressed, enters with a coffee and her laptop and takes a seat at an adjoining table. WALT glances over at her, then resumes his work. …
Continue reading “The Facebook Conversion: One Insult Can Change a Life Forever”
President Trump responded to the interim Iraqi Prime Minister’s insistence that all foreign troops leave his country by demanding that Iraqis pay for all the bombs the United States has dropped on their country in the nearly seventeen years of U.S. occupation since the March, 2003 invasion. “We have dropped a lot of very expensive …
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Supporters of President Trump who had warned of a civil war if he was impeached and boasted about their weapons collections are now wondering who they should kill and/or where they should report for civil war duty after the House voted to impeach the president Wednesday night. Phil Jaworski, a Trump supporter from Chicago who …
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A network of radical vegans has engaged in a widespread covert takeover of steakhouses throughout the country, drugging and indoctrinating owners and staff and transforming the restaurants into bastions of veganism. In March of 2019, Margaret and Joseph Huddleston of White Plains, New York went to Ike’s Steakhouse for the Tuesday Night Prime Rib Special …
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The early December massacre of eleven of Santa’s elves in the North Pole by secular progressives has brought the War on Christmas to a new level of brutality unthinkable a year ago when arguments over Starbucks’ holiday cups set the tenor of the conflict. Conservative Christians are outraged by the killing of the elves, who …
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