Conservative radio host Glenn Beck set himself on fire to encourage other fifty-plus Americans to do away with themselves in order to “clear the deck” for younger Americans to resume their work and jump-start an economy shut down by the Coronavirus. Mr. Beck was the third prominent conservative to immolate himself in recent weeks. Fox …
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Parched Thistle Prairie, Texas. An Evangelical Swingers Club, which has been criticized by local authorities for continuing its Wednesday night “Commingle for Christ” orgies in spite of the growing menace of the Coronavirus, has decided to carry on with the weekly event. Leaders of the group, which calls itself “The Swollen Vessel,” insist that “we …
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Passionate Donald Trump supporter Phil Jaworski died of the Coronavirus Monday night at Presence Saint Joseph Hospital in Chicago, insisting to his final breath that he was in fact dying from the flu despite testing positive for COVID-19 last week. Jaworksi made news last year when he warned during an interview at a Trump rally …
Some music critics are growing unsettled by the recent trend in Country Music toward more cerebral themes and elaborate concept albums they fear is tearing the genre from its humble roots. Carter McFarland, editor of Country Music Today, worries that some artists are drifting too far from the fundamentals. “We’ve got some folks out there …
In a bid to support their president’s tough immigration policies, hundreds of thousands of white Trump supporters around the country are taking backbreaking, low-paying agricultural jobs usually done by immigrants. The surprise movement, which emerged suddenly out of nowhere, has been dubbed the “Caucasian Campesinos” by the media. One of these hardy Trump supporters, Stephanie …
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As the rest of the world urgently prepares for a potential pandemic that has already apparently claimed the lives of 2,700 people and sickened as many as 80,000 worldwide, President Trump and his Republican supporters are not being taken in. Radio host and Medal of Freedom recipient Rush Limbaugh sought to bring clarity to the …
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Austin, Texas. Senator Bernie Sanders, fresh off his resounding victory in the Nevada Caucuses, announced before an ebullient crowd here on Sunday that he would immediately guillotine MSNBC political analyst Chris Matthews upon assuming office. “On day one of my administration, Chris Matthews will be flown to Washington DC in chains, and publicly guillotined in …
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Washington, D.C. The Director of the Department of Conspiracies, Richard Trumball, publicly criticized Attorney General William Barr Friday for encroaching on his jurisdiction after Barr acknowledged that the Department of Justice had “created a process that Rudy Giuliani could give information and they would see if it’s verified.” Trumball, the bedraggled former street preacher tapped …
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In a blockbuster trade that rocked the World Religious League, the Mormon Church traded Elders Pat Scully and Mike Tupuola to the Jehovah’s Witnesses for Tyler Marshall and a second round draft pick. Scully, last year’s MVP, has struggled this year during his mission in Liechenstein, scoring only three converts in the past six months. …
Washington, D.C. In a shocking development nobody had anticipated, every Republican Senator joined their Democratic colleagues in voting to convict and remove President Trump from office. Many of the senators, who indicated previously that they would vote for acquittal, said they had experienced an overnight epiphany in which they suddenly recognized President Trump as an …
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