Smut-pushing Librarians Bagged in Missouri Parental Library Review Board Raids

Dozens of librarians were apprehended in a series of lightning dawn raids around the “Show Me” state for violating the recently passed Parental Oversight of Public Libraries Act. The act forbids library employees from providing access to minors of books “deemed to be age-inappropriate sexual material” by five member panels elected by local communities. Although …

The Facebook Conversion: One Insult Can Change a Life Forever

A coffee shop. Walt, a professionally dressed man in his thirties sits at a table, drinking coffee and reviewing something on his laptop. SAMANTHA, also in her thirties and professionally dressed, enters with a coffee and her laptop and takes a seat at an adjoining table. WALT glances over at her, then resumes his work. …

Trump Demands Iraqis Pay for “All the Expensive Bombs We’ve Dropped on Them”

President Trump responded to the interim Iraqi Prime Minister’s insistence that all foreign troops leave his country by demanding that Iraqis pay for all the bombs the United States has dropped on their country in the nearly seventeen years of U.S. occupation since the March, 2003 invasion. “We have dropped a lot of very expensive …

Trump Supporters Ask “Who Do We Shoot?” After Trump Impeached

Supporters of President Trump who had warned of a civil war if he was impeached and boasted about their weapons collections are now wondering who they should kill and/or where they should report for civil war duty after the House voted to impeach the president Wednesday night. Phil Jaworski, a Trump supporter from Chicago who …

Militant Vegans Seize Steakhouses Throughout Country

A network of radical vegans has engaged in a widespread covert takeover of steakhouses throughout the country, drugging and indoctrinating owners and staff and transforming the restaurants into bastions of veganism. In March of 2019, Margaret and Joseph Huddleston of White Plains, New York went to Ike’s Steakhouse for the Tuesday Night Prime Rib Special …

Atrocities Escalating in the War on Christmas

The early December massacre of eleven of Santa’s elves in the North Pole by secular progressives has brought the War on Christmas to a new level of brutality unthinkable a year ago when arguments over Starbucks’ holiday cups set the tenor of the conflict. Conservative Christians are outraged by the killing of the elves, who …

Confederate Monument to be Moved to Stephen Miller’s Bedroom

A memorial statue of Confederate General and early Ku Klux Klan member Lester Rochambeau Curtiss riding his horse over a naked, bound slave woman while pleasantly sipping a mint julep will be moved into the bedroom of Senior White House Advisor Stephen Miller. The monument, which the city council had voted to remove from Caucasian …

Strain of Defending Chosen One’s Lies Taking Toll on God’s People

As the holidays approach many Evangelical Christians are dreading family gatherings where they may encounter unsaved family members or friends who fail to understand God’s plan to use President Trump, whose lies flow as freely as the bowel movements of a sick man who just ate a super burrito and a Triple Shot Espresso Frappuccino, …

Tanked Up God Tells Evangelicals to “Blow the ‘Cyrus Anointing’ Out Their Asses”

I never expected to land an interview with God. He was in town for a book tour, signing copies of his motivational book My Journey Through Irritable Bowel Syndrome, a condition he says he just recovered from with a combination of mindfulness and careful dietary changes. I was surprised to see how sparsely attended his …

You Can Beat the Black Death: Use the Power of Your Mind to Conquer the Deadliest Pandemic in Human History

An English Village in 1348. PETER, a peasant in his thirties is sitting by a well, reading a book. Suddenly, several panicked villagers, some with large bumps or boils on their faces, run past. NIGEL, another peasant in his thirties enters running. PETER: Nigel, what’s going on? NIGEL stops and doubles over, catching his breath. …