In a blockbuster trade that rocked the World Religious League, the Mormon Church traded Elders Pat Scully and Mike Tupuola to the Jehovah’s Witnesses for Tyler Marshall and a second round draft pick. Scully, last year’s MVP, has struggled this year during his mission in Liechenstein, scoring only three converts in the past six months. …
Author Archives: bburman36
Republicans’ Overnight Epiphanies Bring Surprise Conviction of President Trump
Washington, D.C. In a shocking development nobody had anticipated, every Republican Senator joined their Democratic colleagues in voting to convict and remove President Trump from office. Many of the senators, who indicated previously that they would vote for acquittal, said they had experienced an overnight epiphany in which they suddenly recognized President Trump as an …
Continue reading “Republicans’ Overnight Epiphanies Bring Surprise Conviction of President Trump”
Smut-pushing Librarians Bagged in Missouri Parental Library Review Board Raids
Dozens of librarians were apprehended in a series of lightning dawn raids around the “Show Me” state for violating the recently passed Parental Oversight of Public Libraries Act. The act forbids library employees from providing access to minors of books “deemed to be age-inappropriate sexual material” by five member panels elected by local communities. Although …
Continue reading “Smut-pushing Librarians Bagged in Missouri Parental Library Review Board Raids”
The Facebook Conversion: One Insult Can Change a Life Forever
A coffee shop. Walt, a professionally dressed man in his thirties sits at a table, drinking coffee and reviewing something on his laptop. SAMANTHA, also in her thirties and professionally dressed, enters with a coffee and her laptop and takes a seat at an adjoining table. WALT glances over at her, then resumes his work. …
Continue reading “The Facebook Conversion: One Insult Can Change a Life Forever”
Trump Demands Iraqis Pay for “All the Expensive Bombs We’ve Dropped on Them”
President Trump responded to the interim Iraqi Prime Minister’s insistence that all foreign troops leave his country by demanding that Iraqis pay for all the bombs the United States has dropped on their country in the nearly seventeen years of U.S. occupation since the March, 2003 invasion. “We have dropped a lot of very expensive …
Continue reading “Trump Demands Iraqis Pay for “All the Expensive Bombs We’ve Dropped on Them””
Trump Supporters Ask “Who Do We Shoot?” After Trump Impeached
Supporters of President Trump who had warned of a civil war if he was impeached and boasted about their weapons collections are now wondering who they should kill and/or where they should report for civil war duty after the House voted to impeach the president Wednesday night. Phil Jaworski, a Trump supporter from Chicago who …
Continue reading “Trump Supporters Ask “Who Do We Shoot?” After Trump Impeached”
Militant Vegans Seize Steakhouses Throughout Country
A network of radical vegans has engaged in a widespread covert takeover of steakhouses throughout the country, drugging and indoctrinating owners and staff and transforming the restaurants into bastions of veganism. In March of 2019, Margaret and Joseph Huddleston of White Plains, New York went to Ike’s Steakhouse for the Tuesday Night Prime Rib Special …
Continue reading “Militant Vegans Seize Steakhouses Throughout Country”
Atrocities Escalating in the War on Christmas
The early December massacre of eleven of Santa’s elves in the North Pole by secular progressives has brought the War on Christmas to a new level of brutality unthinkable a year ago when arguments over Starbucks’ holiday cups set the tenor of the conflict. Conservative Christians are outraged by the killing of the elves, who …
Continue reading “Atrocities Escalating in the War on Christmas”
Confederate Monument to be Moved to Stephen Miller’s Bedroom
A memorial statue of Confederate General and early Ku Klux Klan member Lester Rochambeau Curtiss riding his horse over a naked, bound slave woman while pleasantly sipping a mint julep will be moved into the bedroom of Senior White House Advisor Stephen Miller. The monument, which the city council had voted to remove from Caucasian …
Continue reading “Confederate Monument to be Moved to Stephen Miller’s Bedroom”
Strain of Defending Chosen One’s Lies Taking Toll on God’s People
As the holidays approach many Evangelical Christians are dreading family gatherings where they may encounter unsaved family members or friends who fail to understand God’s plan to use President Trump, whose lies flow as freely as the bowel movements of a sick man who just ate a super burrito and a Triple Shot Espresso Frappuccino, …
Continue reading “Strain of Defending Chosen One’s Lies Taking Toll on God’s People”