It is a little known fact today that George Washington overreached his authority and unilaterally ordered a quarantine of American citizens fleeing the British occupation of Boston and an outbreak of smallpox in the city in 1775. The tyrannical general, who had recently arrived in Cambridge to take command of the new Continental Army in …
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Many churches are offering “Holy Hydroxychloroquine” to lure wary parishioners back to in-person services after a string of outbreaks linked to recent large religious gatherings has diminished confidence in God’s ability to protect them from the deadly Cononavirus. Both Protestant and Catholic Churches are offering varying forms of the drug, which has the blessing of …
Who can forget the day that Edgar Maddison Welch single-handedly stormed the Washington, DC pizzeria Comet Ping Pong with his AR-15 and discovered Hillary Clinton and her Satanic, Deep State minions sexually abusing children in the basement? Well, okay, Mr. Welch did not actually find any children being abused, and in fact, there was not …
Recently, as I have been following the national conversation about the Coronavirus, I came to a realization about my own doctor. He is an unelected elitist with an obsessive devotion to medical science, and therefore I can no longer permit him to be the steward of my health. Allowing one person to dictate to me …
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The summer barbecue season is looking bleaker every day as workers continue to sicken and die from the Coronavirus apparently contracted at meatpacking plants around the country, and their stubborn coworkers stay home or demand onerous safety regulations. Fortunately, the Trump administration has ordered meatpacking workers back to work while promising liability protection for wealthy …
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Lansing, Michigan. The sputtering, red-faced, gun-toting white men storming the Capitol Thursday were an intimidating sight, screaming into the faces of policemen without wearing masks and shouting “Lock her up” as they protested the shelter-in-place order Governor Gretchen Whitmer has issued at the suggestion of virtually every credible medical expert on the planet. But now …
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No needles! No hospitals! No nurses whining about the lack of PPE! Now you can overcome the dreaded effects of the Coronavirus by simply sipping a delightful summer beverage created by the brilliant mixologists and scientists of the Trump organization. President Trump recently ruffled the feathers of stuffy, Deep State scientists and medical professionals by …
Washington D.C. President Trump is planning to send what he is now calling “Victory Ventilators” to states where people are protesting against shelter-in-place orders encouraged by his own administration’s guidelines. “These patriots are putting themselves at great risk of catching the virus in order to protest the totally unnecessary orders designed to protect them from …
Parched Thistle Prairie, Texas. An Evangelical swingers club, which had defied Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s April 2nd Stay-at-Home order and continued with its Wednesday night “Commingle for Christ” orgies, has finally halted the weekly event after three of its members perished from COVID-19 and another seven have become infected. The group, which calls itself “The …
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Shrapnel Fluckiger, the troubled former lead singer for the seminal Alpine-Tejano-Punk band Necrophiliac Scourge, which inspired a generation of alienated Swiss-Chicano yodelers, died from complications related to the Coronavirus on Friday in Los Angeles at the age of sixty-two. The mercurial performer and songwriter had earlier suffered a series of disasters that left him blind …
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