Tulsa, Oklahoma. At his first campaign rally since the COVID-19 shutdown Saturday night in Tulsa, President Trump took credit for educating the country about historical facts he claims it didn’t know. “Most people didn’t know that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. I taught them that. Most people didn’t know that Frederick Douglas was somebody who’s …
Continue reading “Trump: “Very Fine People on Both Sides of Tulsa Massacre””
Charleston, South Carolina. A new conservative American History museum is slated to open in Charleston this month that will illustrate that “slavery was just a passing phase the young republic experienced,” according to Museum Director Cody Ralston. “I went through a Goth phase when I was in high school,” Ralston noted at a press conference …
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Washington DC. A squad of elite geriatric Antifa commandos masquerading as Black Lives Matters protesters surged past barriers and stormed the White House Friday morning, easily routing secret service agents and police officers as they flooded into the building. According to one reporter, President Trump was caught as he was fleeing to his basement bunker …
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An Antifa Battle Cruiser was sighted over rural Idaho Thursday night according to a Facebook post by a group known as “The Paunchy Patriots.” The group, which is devoted to protecting the Second Amendment rights of Americans and eating copious amounts of garlic fries, claims in the post that it “has received credible intel that …
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Under pressure to acknowledge the glaringly obvious reality of white privilege illustrated by recent events, conservatives have instead offered to recognize the veracity of climate change and evolution if Black Lives Matters activists and progressives promise never to bring up the concept of white privilege again. The extraordinary offer was made after a ludicrous comment …
Many churches are offering “Holy Hydroxychloroquine” to lure wary parishioners back to in-person services after a string of outbreaks linked to recent large religious gatherings has diminished confidence in God’s ability to protect them from the deadly Cononavirus. Both Protestant and Catholic Churches are offering varying forms of the drug, which has the blessing of …
Who can forget the day that Edgar Maddison Welch single-handedly stormed the Washington, DC pizzeria Comet Ping Pong with his AR-15 and discovered Hillary Clinton and her Satanic, Deep State minions sexually abusing children in the basement? Well, okay, Mr. Welch did not actually find any children being abused, and in fact, there was not …
Recently, as I have been following the national conversation about the Coronavirus, I came to a realization about my own doctor. He is an unelected elitist with an obsessive devotion to medical science, and therefore I can no longer permit him to be the steward of my health. Allowing one person to dictate to me …
Continue reading “I Said Goodbye to My Unelected, Elitist Doctor”
The summer barbecue season is looking bleaker every day as workers continue to sicken and die from the Coronavirus apparently contracted at meatpacking plants around the country, and their stubborn coworkers stay home or demand onerous safety regulations. Fortunately, the Trump administration has ordered meatpacking workers back to work while promising liability protection for wealthy …
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Lansing, Michigan. The sputtering, red-faced, gun-toting white men storming the Capitol Thursday were an intimidating sight, screaming into the faces of policemen without wearing masks and shouting “Lock her up” as they protested the shelter-in-place order Governor Gretchen Whitmer has issued at the suggestion of virtually every credible medical expert on the planet. But now …
Continue reading “Michigan Lockdown Protesters Grounded After Whitmer Calls Their Parents”
