Jerry Falwell Jr.’s sudden resignation from the presidency of Liberty University Monday has freed up his schedule so that he will now be able to speak to the Republican Convention on the topic of Christian values. “I just felt that speaking to the president’s supporters, who I know take their core Christian beliefs as seriously …
Continue reading “Jerry Falwell Jr.’s Schedule Freed Up to Speak at Republican Convention”
A recently discovered transcript of a conversation between King Henry VIII, his chief minister Thomas Cromwell and Queen Anne Boleyn, confirms that the paunchy potentate did indeed invent miniature golf. Henry VIII’s office in the Palace of Whitehall, 1535. HENRY is standing over his desk, feverishly studying some plans. After a moment his minister THOMAS …
Continue reading “Did Henry VIII Really Invent Miniature Golf?”
Some parishioners may have noticed a fresh face among the clergy here at Our Lady of the Irritable Bowels. A highly experienced priest who has worked in some sixteen different dioceses in his long and varied career, he brings a sharply honed administrative expertise that Bishop Hagan hopes will streamline church policies and finances. As …
Many churches are offering “Holy Hydroxychloroquine” to lure wary parishioners back to in-person services after a string of outbreaks linked to recent large religious gatherings has diminished confidence in God’s ability to protect them from the deadly Cononavirus. Both Protestant and Catholic Churches are offering varying forms of the drug, which has the blessing of …
Parched Thistle Prairie, Texas. An Evangelical swingers club, which had defied Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s April 2nd Stay-at-Home order and continued with its Wednesday night “Commingle for Christ” orgies, has finally halted the weekly event after three of its members perished from COVID-19 and another seven have become infected. The group, which calls itself “The …
Continue reading “Evangelical Swingers Club Halts In-person Orgies After Third Swinger Dies”
Shrapnel Fluckiger, the troubled former lead singer for the seminal Alpine-Tejano-Punk band Necrophiliac Scourge, which inspired a generation of alienated Swiss-Chicano yodelers, died from complications related to the Coronavirus on Friday in Los Angeles at the age of sixty-two. The mercurial performer and songwriter had earlier suffered a series of disasters that left him blind …
Continue reading “Shrapnel Fluckiger, Lead Singer for Necrophiliac Scourge, Passes Away”
Parched Thistle Prairie, Texas. An Evangelical Swingers Club, which has been criticized by local authorities for continuing its Wednesday night “Commingle for Christ” orgies in spite of the growing menace of the Coronavirus, has decided to carry on with the weekly event. Leaders of the group, which calls itself “The Swollen Vessel,” insist that “we …
Continue reading “Evangelical Swingers Club to Continue Orgies with God’s Protection”
In a blockbuster trade that rocked the World Religious League, the Mormon Church traded Elders Pat Scully and Mike Tupuola to the Jehovah’s Witnesses for Tyler Marshall and a second round draft pick. Scully, last year’s MVP, has struggled this year during his mission in Liechenstein, scoring only three converts in the past six months. …
Dozens of librarians were apprehended in a series of lightning dawn raids around the “Show Me” state for violating the recently passed Parental Oversight of Public Libraries Act. The act forbids library employees from providing access to minors of books “deemed to be age-inappropriate sexual material” by five member panels elected by local communities. Although …
Continue reading “Smut-pushing Librarians Bagged in Missouri Parental Library Review Board Raids”
The early December massacre of eleven of Santa’s elves in the North Pole by secular progressives has brought the War on Christmas to a new level of brutality unthinkable a year ago when arguments over Starbucks’ holiday cups set the tenor of the conflict. Conservative Christians are outraged by the killing of the elves, who …
Continue reading “Atrocities Escalating in the War on Christmas”
