No needles! No hospitals! No nurses whining about the lack of PPE! Now you can overcome the dreaded effects of the Coronavirus by simply sipping a delightful summer beverage created by the brilliant mixologists and scientists of the Trump organization. President Trump recently ruffled the feathers of stuffy, Deep State scientists and medical professionals by …
Category Archives: News
Trump to Send “Victory Ventilators” to States Where Patriotic Pestilence Purveyors Protest
Washington D.C. President Trump is planning to send what he is now calling “Victory Ventilators” to states where people are protesting against shelter-in-place orders encouraged by his own administration’s guidelines. “These patriots are putting themselves at great risk of catching the virus in order to protest the totally unnecessary orders designed to protect them from …
Evangelical Swingers Club Halts In-person Orgies After Third Swinger Dies
Parched Thistle Prairie, Texas. An Evangelical swingers club, which had defied Texas Governor Greg Abbott’s April 2nd Stay-at-Home order and continued with its Wednesday night “Commingle for Christ” orgies, has finally halted the weekly event after three of its members perished from COVID-19 and another seven have become infected. The group, which calls itself “The …
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Shrapnel Fluckiger, Lead Singer for Necrophiliac Scourge, Passes Away
Shrapnel Fluckiger, the troubled former lead singer for the seminal Alpine-Tejano-Punk band Necrophiliac Scourge, which inspired a generation of alienated Swiss-Chicano yodelers, died from complications related to the Coronavirus on Friday in Los Angeles at the age of sixty-two. The mercurial performer and songwriter had earlier suffered a series of disasters that left him blind …
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Ammon Bundy Vows to Soak in Bathtub of Coronavirus Spittle at Easter Service
Patriots and Constitutional scholars around the nation have begun to rise up and defy the left-wing, modern medical science that has needlessly brought the economy to a standstill and cast the long, sinister shadow of socialism over our fruited plains. Ironically, the focal point of the rebellion is in Idaho, a state that now has …
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President Trump Issues Executive Order Declaring the Past Does Not Exist
President Trump issued an executive order Wednesday morning declaring that “the past does not exist, never took place and therefore cannot be referred to in public discourse or in print in any way.” Critics immediately claimed the president was attempting to erase the recent historical record of his statements on the Coronavirus, which, if they …
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Glenn Beck Third Conservative to Immolate Self for the Dow
Conservative radio host Glenn Beck set himself on fire to encourage other fifty-plus Americans to do away with themselves in order to “clear the deck” for younger Americans to resume their work and jump-start an economy shut down by the Coronavirus. Mr. Beck was the third prominent conservative to immolate himself in recent weeks. Fox …
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Evangelical Swingers Club to Continue Orgies with God’s Protection
Parched Thistle Prairie, Texas. An Evangelical Swingers Club, which has been criticized by local authorities for continuing its Wednesday night “Commingle for Christ” orgies in spite of the growing menace of the Coronavirus, has decided to carry on with the weekly event. Leaders of the group, which calls itself “The Swollen Vessel,” insist that “we …
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Trump Supporter Dies of Coronavirus Hoax
Passionate Donald Trump supporter Phil Jaworski died of the Coronavirus Monday night at Presence Saint Joseph Hospital in Chicago, insisting to his final breath that he was in fact dying from the flu despite testing positive for COVID-19 last week. Jaworksi made news last year when he warned during an interview at a Trump rally …
Is Country Music Too Intellectual?
Some music critics are growing unsettled by the recent trend in Country Music toward more cerebral themes and elaborate concept albums they fear is tearing the genre from its humble roots. Carter McFarland, editor of Country Music Today, worries that some artists are drifting too far from the fundamentals. “We’ve got some folks out there …