In a bid to support their president’s tough immigration policies, hundreds of thousands of white Trump supporters around the country are taking backbreaking, low-paying agricultural jobs usually done by immigrants. The surprise movement, which emerged suddenly out of nowhere, has been dubbed the “Caucasian Campesinos” by the media. One of these hardy Trump supporters, Stephanie …
Continue reading ““Caucasian Campesinos” Cheerfully Embrace Grueling Farm Labor”
As the rest of the world urgently prepares for a potential pandemic that has already apparently claimed the lives of 2,700 people and sickened as many as 80,000 worldwide, President Trump and his Republican supporters are not being taken in. Radio host and Medal of Freedom recipient Rush Limbaugh sought to bring clarity to the …
Continue reading “Republicans Not Fooled by Deep State Coronavirus”
Austin, Texas. Senator Bernie Sanders, fresh off his resounding victory in the Nevada Caucuses, announced before an ebullient crowd here on Sunday that he would immediately guillotine MSNBC political analyst Chris Matthews upon assuming office. “On day one of my administration, Chris Matthews will be flown to Washington DC in chains, and publicly guillotined in …
Continue reading “Sanders Announces Plan to Guillotine Chris Matthews in Lafayette Square”
Washington, D.C. The Director of the Department of Conspiracies, Richard Trumball, publicly criticized Attorney General William Barr Friday for encroaching on his jurisdiction after Barr acknowledged that the Department of Justice had “created a process that Rudy Giuliani could give information and they would see if it’s verified.” Trumball, the bedraggled former street preacher tapped …
Continue reading “Conspiracy Czar Attacks Barr for Usurping His Role”
Washington, D.C. In a shocking development nobody had anticipated, every Republican Senator joined their Democratic colleagues in voting to convict and remove President Trump from office. Many of the senators, who indicated previously that they would vote for acquittal, said they had experienced an overnight epiphany in which they suddenly recognized President Trump as an …
Continue reading “Republicans’ Overnight Epiphanies Bring Surprise Conviction of President Trump”
Dozens of librarians were apprehended in a series of lightning dawn raids around the “Show Me” state for violating the recently passed Parental Oversight of Public Libraries Act. The act forbids library employees from providing access to minors of books “deemed to be age-inappropriate sexual material” by five member panels elected by local communities. Although …
Continue reading “Smut-pushing Librarians Bagged in Missouri Parental Library Review Board Raids”
President Trump responded to the interim Iraqi Prime Minister’s insistence that all foreign troops leave his country by demanding that Iraqis pay for all the bombs the United States has dropped on their country in the nearly seventeen years of U.S. occupation since the March, 2003 invasion. “We have dropped a lot of very expensive …
Continue reading “Trump Demands Iraqis Pay for “All the Expensive Bombs We’ve Dropped on Them””
The early December massacre of eleven of Santa’s elves in the North Pole by secular progressives has brought the War on Christmas to a new level of brutality unthinkable a year ago when arguments over Starbucks’ holiday cups set the tenor of the conflict. Conservative Christians are outraged by the killing of the elves, who …
Continue reading “Atrocities Escalating in the War on Christmas”
A memorial statue of Confederate General and early Ku Klux Klan member Lester Rochambeau Curtiss riding his horse over a naked, bound slave woman while pleasantly sipping a mint julep will be moved into the bedroom of Senior White House Advisor Stephen Miller. The monument, which the city council had voted to remove from Caucasian …
Continue reading “Confederate Monument to be Moved to Stephen Miller’s Bedroom”
After a nine month undercover investigation, police in New York have arrested miniature golf magnate Dietrich von Holst for money laundering and racketeering. The mercurial von Holst has been charged with using Dietrich’s Miniature Golf Valhalla, his Wagnerian Opera-themed mini golf chain with courses throughout the country, as a front for laundering millions of dollars …
