I never expected to land an interview with God. He was in town for a book tour, signing copies of his motivational book My Journey Through Irritable Bowel Syndrome, a condition he says he just recovered from with a combination of mindfulness and careful dietary changes. I was surprised to see how sparsely attended his …
Continue reading “Tanked Up God Tells Evangelicals to “Blow the ‘Cyrus Anointing’ Out Their Asses””
An English Village in 1348. PETER, a peasant in his thirties is sitting by a well, reading a book. Suddenly, several panicked villagers, some with large bumps or boils on their faces, run past. NIGEL, another peasant in his thirties enters running. PETER: Nigel, what’s going on? NIGEL stops and doubles over, catching his breath. …
The front yard of a middle class home. GLADYS, a woman in her sixties, is pruning flowers. HERB, an elderly mailman, enters with his mailbag. HERB: Morning, Gladys. GLADYS: Hi, Herb, how you doing? HERB: Fine. Looks like it’s going to be a hot one. GLADYS: Looks like it. HERB pulls some mail out of …
Continue reading “Off the Deep State End (a Playlet about Your Fox News-Watching Uncle Phil)”
After a nine month undercover investigation, police in New York have arrested miniature golf magnate Dietrich von Holst for money laundering and racketeering. The mercurial von Holst has been charged with using Dietrich’s Miniature Golf Valhalla, his Wagnerian Opera-themed mini golf chain with courses throughout the country, as a front for laundering millions of dollars …
At first his teammates and some of their parents were alarmed by the primitive religious rituals quarterback Mark Shroeder was performing in the locker room before Winfield High School football games. And then they started winning. And winning some more. The Cougars are 7-0 and seem to be a lock for the state championship game …
Continue reading “Quarterback’s Primitive Religion Boosts Cougars’ Title Hopes”
A manuscript discovered in a London attic in 2016 confirmed the long rumored literary collaboration between Jane Austen and Henry Miller. After the resolution of legal disputes between the heirs of the Austen and Miller estates, the work is finally to be published this year. Dangerous Neighbors presents an exclusive excerpt published for the very …
Continue reading “Jane Austen-Henry Miller Collaboration to Be Published”
Washington D.C. A memo from the White House has been circulating among Republican members of Congress as the Democrats’ impeachment inquiry ramps up. The memo, leaked to reporters by an unnamed Republican, demands that “all Republicans roll in shit in the presence of the Commander in Chief to prove their loyalty to him during the …
Continue reading “Trump: All Republicans Must Roll in Shit to Prove Loyalty”
My dark journey to spiritual death and rebirth began with a series of seemingly minor setbacks. I lost my job as a carnival ride operator when a mechanical malfunction entirely beyond my control maimed some people, who, it later turned out, had purchased discount tickets. My employers pinned the blame on me simply because they …
Continue reading “My Spiritual Awakening at the Doghouse Sports Bar”
The Jaunty Jackals shocked the world Friday night when they took the Best New Artist prize at the Satanic Music Awards, leaving presumed winner Tiffany Eldridge and her fans fuming in the audience. The Jackals, a barber shop quartet composed of four middle-aged gents with top hats and silken vocal cords, seem unlikely stars, but …
Continue reading “Satanic Barber Shop Quartet Delivers Lucifer’s Message with Harmony and Whimsy”
Some music critics are growing unsettled by the recent trend in Country Music toward more cerebral themes and elaborate concept albums they fear is tearing the genre from its humble roots. Carter McFarland, editor of Country Music Today, worries that some artists are drifting too far from the fundamentals. “We’ve got some folks out there …
