Trump Doubles Down on James Brown Helicopter Story

Former President Donald Trump doubled down on his claim that he had a near death experience on a helicopter ride with soul legend James Brown on Monday. Trump insisted that the Godfather of Soul had been on a helicopter ride with him in some nonspecific time and place when engine problems forced the craft to …

Trump Pledges to Stamp Out the Scourge of Voting

Former President Donald Trump told a fired-up crowd of Republican Christians Friday night that if he won this year’s election, they would no longer need to exercise their right to vote in four years because “we’ll have it fixed so good, you won’t have to vote.” Appearing at the Turning Point Action event in West …

Kristi Noem Says Puppy Voted Illegally in 2020

Pierre, South Dakota –Embattled South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem now claims that she shot her dog Cricket not simply for being aggressive but also because she voted illegally for Joe Biden in the 2020 Election as part of a massive Democratic Party voter fraud scheme. While Noem’s critics say her most recent rationale for dragging …

You Can Be a MAGA Historian–No History Background Required!

Have you ever watched an inspiring documentary about the Founding Fathers and thought, “Hey, I’d like to be a historian, but I don’t have any background or education in history”? Well, forget those doubts because now the requirements for becoming a historian in the right wing MAGA world make getting ordained online in the Universal …

McCarthy to Dance With the Stars, Drink With Giuliani

Washington DC– Former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, fresh off his historic removal from office this week, is embracing the sudden shift in his fortunes and looking to the future with a feisty optimism and an open mind about the many exciting opportunities appearing on the horizon. “Rudy Giuliani left me a message inviting me to …

CPAC’s Matt Schlapp on Boebert: Schlong Groping Should Be Discrete

CPAC Chairman Matt Schlapp sharply criticized Congresswoman Lauren Boebert Saturday for vigorously stroking the member of her date at a performance of the musical Beetlejuice in Colorado last week. “If you’re going to grab somebody’s schlong while being a self-professed purveyor of Christian family values, at least do it in the back seat of a …

How White Men Fight by Tucker Carlson

Fox News thought they could cancel me, but they forgot one very important thing: How white men fight. My name is Tucker Carlson and I’m white. If you’re a white man like me, you probably already know that white men fight in an honorable fashion, unlike the dusky hordes invading our open borders who know …

Tucker: “I Hate Him Passionately” in the Positive Way

Tucker Carlson wants everyone to know that he loves Donald Trump now and always has. Appearing on Bo Snerdley’s WABC radio program Monday, the Fox talk show host expressed outrage that his private text messages were made public as a result of the Dominion lawsuit against Fox and insisted that his January 4th, 2021 text …

Men in Dresses Haunt the Dreams of Godly Men

Godly Christian conservative men are very concerned about other men who don women’s clothing for public entertainment and other purposes. How concerned? They think about them a lot. A lot. These righteous followers of Jesus Christ and supply side economics, who are very secure in their own masculinity, wake up at night worrying about their …

McCarthy Agrees to Wear Diapers and Shock Collar as New Speaker

Washington DC– Newly elected House Speaker Kevin McCarthy achieved his victory on the 15th vote by agreeing to hard-liners’ demand that he always wear diapers and a shock collar controlled by members of the Freedom Caucus while on the House floor. “The diapers will force Kev Kev to perpetually wallow in humiliation and of course …